Pickuplines

I've got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it?

Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?

I was about to go masturbate and I need a name to go with your face.

That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

You've got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

"Hey, somebody just farted - let's get out of here!

Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

Kissing is a language of love....so how about a conversation?

Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!

You are the reason men fall in love.

Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample?

Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!

Which is easier? Getting into those tight pants or getting out of them?

I lost my teddy bear... can I sleep with you?

Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!

Can I have the directions to your heart?

Compared to you, the sun feels cold.

Sex is a killer...wanna die happy?

I know somebody who likes you but if I weren"t so shy, I"d tell you who.

My bed is broken, can I sleep in yours?

I knew that my life DID have a purpose, but not until I looked into your eyes.

Your lips were made to be kissed, and I hate to see a good thing go to waste!

Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!

Baby, when I saw you sit down, I got jealous of the chair.

You are the only reason why I came in here alone.

You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.

Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

Do you have a sunburn baby, or are you always this hot?

Baby you're a sex crime waiting to happen.

Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?

Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I'll disappear in the morning.

Would you like to be my love buffet so I can lay you on a table and take what I want?

Darn girl you even look good with the lights on!

If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.

If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?

Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room.

I've got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it?

If you were a pair of pants I'd wear you out!!

Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?

The best part of me is covered up.

Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?

Can I please be your slave tonight?

You should be someone's wife.

Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

When's our wedding date?

Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When she arrives say, "Do you always come when someone fingers you?"

Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

Would you like someone to mix with your drink?

That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

That's a really nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you are wearing.

Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?

Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.

I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.

Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna screw?"

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"

Can I see your tan lines?

You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

I'm leaving this place..want to cum?

You know, I never was to good at math... like if I put you and I together, I'd get 69.

Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.

You make my software turn to hardware!

Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?

Weren't you at the tractor pull last night? I remember your tits.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes...

Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."

Woman: "If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt).... Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you allday long for a quarter.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway the heaven?

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

My name is Austin ... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home  without me.

Do you sleep on your stomach? no.......... Can I???

Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.

I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

My name is (his name). That's so you know what to scream later.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go to my place and spread the word.

Love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase population; for the next generation; do you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Here's a quarter. Call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

Hey, I'm looking for treasure. Can I look around your chest?

Do you have a license...to drive me crazy?

Nice outfit. Can I talk you out of it?

Am I a light switch? Because you have been turning me on all day!

Hey, baby. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

Excuse me, I think you have something of mine. My heart!!   

You make my software turn to hardware!

Hey baby, drop that zero and get with the hero. In other words, you better come with me.

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime.

Is your name Pepsi? Cuz I've gotta have it!

You're like a dictionary. You add meaning to my life.

(Uses index finger to call girl over) I made you come with one finger. Imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

(Motions with finger for girl to come over) I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum.

Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?

Your daddy must be a baker cuz you got a nice set of buns!

At the office copy machine: "Reproducing, eh? Can I help?"

Do you spit or swallow?

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Jennifer?

I was about to go masturbate, but I needed a name to go with your face.

How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open and I'll give you the meat!

I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? (No.) Would you like some?

Do I know you from somewhere? I don't recognize you with your clothes on.

Nice dress. It would look nicer on the floor next to my bed.

Girl: "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Guy: "Do you have the energy?"

Do you work for UPS? I could've sworn you were checking out my package.

Your legs must be tired cuz you've been running through my mind all night.

Is your name Daisy? Cuz I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!

You are just truly, absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?

I know a great way to burn off the calories of the pastry you just ate.

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.

Baby, I'm no Fred Flinstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

Do you want to see something swell?

Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

I like math. You want to go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

You look like the type of girl who's heard every line in the book...so what's one more?

Do you want to come see my hard drive? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.

That's a nice dress...could I talk you out of it?

Why don't you come sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Sex is a killer...want to die happy?

I looked up beautiful in the Thesaurus today and your name was included.

Was your dad a king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.

How was heaven when you left?

I like your legs so much I'm going to name them. This one is Christmas and this one is New Years. Can I see you in between the holidays?

Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again?

Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?

Are your legs tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all night!

I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your apartment?

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Sit on my lap and let's get things straight between us.

I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for an experience.

If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

That dress looks good on you, but it would look better on my bedroom floor.

If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning.

Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?

That's a nice smile you've got, it's a shame it's not all you're wearing!

I love every bone in your body. Especially mine!

You are the reason men fall in love.

Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?

You know you might be asked to leave soon, you're making the other women look bad.

Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to kiss me don't you?

Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?

Hey baby, are you wearing a space bra tonight? Because your chest is out of this world!

Excuse me, do you have a quarter I can borrow?.... Because I told my mother I would call her when I fell in love with the girl of my dreams!

Do you have mirrors in your pockets?.... Because I can see myself in your pants!

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

All those curves, and me with no breaks.

Excuse me, do you mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.

I hope the word of the day is legs, because I would sure like to spread the word.

Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes!

Your daddy must be a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.

Have you ever had your belly-button licked... From the inside?

You must be the reason for global warming because your hot!

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much did you drink?

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

What I lack in appearance, I make up for with enthusiasm/talent...

"When I was little, my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a big Johnson, or a good memory. I forgot what I answered."

"I'm in the process of creating a singles ad and I would like to take your measurements to put down as my dream girl's figure requirements."

I wish you were a bag of skittles because Id love to taste your rainbow.

I thought I wouldn't stand a chance when I first saw you, but knowing you like'em small gives me hope again.

My pickup line was published on the Internet... Would you like to hear it?

Hey gorgeous the power company is looking for you you're so electrifying.

Do you believe at love at first sight or do you want me to walk past again.

Honey, you're so sweet I get sugar diabetes just looking at you.

Is your mother a thief?....... She must have been to steal the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Talking to a girl who is just leaving: "Hey you forgot something." When she turns around and asks what, you just say "ME."

You're like milk, i want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

I have only three months to live...

When does your centerfold come out?

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.

Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope.

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get.

Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.

Can I have fries with that shake!

If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.

Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets talk"

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

If I pet you, would you follow me home?

Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick.

Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

Want to see my stamp collection?

HI! Can I buy you a car?

You know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.

Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption.

Baby, I'm an American Express lover.... you shouldn't go home without me!

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!

Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.

Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Bond. James Bond.

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.

For you guys out there, this one worked on me! My guy approached me and my table of female friends, put his arm around me (I'd never met this guy in my life) and told the entire table "me and this little lady would make beautiful children together." I have noooo idea why that worked, except I'd never laughed so hard at a pick up line before.