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Two women are chatting in office. Woman 1 "I had sex last night, did you?" Woman 2: "Yes". Woman 1: "Was it good?" Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?" Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!" At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?" Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?" Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour and when we got home -remember there was no electricity- so I had to light frickin' candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac, with huge boobs, and who owns a liquor store. ...Amen.

MEN'S POINT SYSTEM

For thousands of years, men have tried to  understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this Merit/Demerit guide will help you to understand
just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies... Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes,and you get  points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any  points for doing something that  she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point
system:

SIMPLE DUTIES:

You make the  bed...+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled  sheets...-1
You leave the toilet seat up...-5
You replace the  toilet paper roll when it is empty...0
When the toilet  paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex  runs out you use the next bathroom...-2
You go out to buy  her extra-light panty liners with wings...+5
In the snow  ...+8
But return with beer...-5
And no liners...-25
You check out a  suspicious noise at night...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is  nothing...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is  something...+5
You pummel it with a six iron...+10
It's her  cat...-40

AT THE PARTY:

You stay by her  side the entire party...0
You stay by her side for a while,  then leave to chat with a College
drinking buddy...-2
Named  Tiffany...-4
Tiffany is a dancer...-10
With breast  implants...-18

HER BIRTHDAY:

You remember  her birthday...0
You buy a card and flowers...0
You take her out to  dinner...0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports  bar...+1
Okay, it is a sports bar...-2
And it's  all-you-can-eat night...-3
It's a sports bar, its  all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite  team ...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:

Go with a  pal...0
The pal is happily married...+1
The pal is  single...-7
He drives a Ferrari...-10
With a personalized  license plate (GR8NBED)...-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:

You take her to  a movie...+2
You take her to a movie she  likes...+4
You take her to a movie you hate...+6
You take her to a  movie you like...-2
It's called Death Cop III...-3
Which features  Cyborgs that crush human skulls...-9
You lied and said  it was a foreign film about orphans..-15

YOUR  PHYSIQUE:

You develop a noticeable  pot-belly...-15
You develop a noticeable pot-belly and exercise to get  rid of  it... +10
You develop a noticeable  pot-belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...-800

THE "BIG"  QUESTION:

She asks, "Does this dress make me look  fat?"
You hesitate in responding...-10
You reply,  "Where?"...-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your  ass"...-100
Any other response...-20

COMMUNICATION:

When she wants to talk about a  problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression...0
You listen, for over 30 minutes...+5
You relate to her  problem and share a similar experience...+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying " well, what do you think I should do?"...-100
You have fallen asleep...-200

IT'S THAT TIME  OF THE MONTH:

You talk...-100
You don't  talk...-150
You spend time with her...-200
You don't spend  time with her...-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well
developed and open to trade, especially for someone
with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently
aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been
through war and doesn't make the same mistakes
twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with
a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only
those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for
spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN.
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, ruled by a prick.

Sexe-verschillen(3)

Sexe-verschillen(3)